Why Do People Marry After A Long Live-In Relationship?
In the case of me and my husband I can tell you our reasons. At first let me inform you that we lived together for several years. Both of us had been married previously, had children, and divorced each twice before we ever met one another. All of our children are grown, living away from home, with their own families. Therefore, we found it a considering factor that we live together, for a long time, before we ever considered committing to marriage again. This was agreeable to both of us from the very beginning as neither wanted to rush into marriage.
Living together allowed us time to experience one another. It also, gave us opportunities to grow and travel together. We explored one another's differences and what habits we disliked about the other. We learned how we could live with them in a way that was accepting without putting a lot of strain on our relationship. In this way we felt we weren't changing the person whom we loved. For the last year we lived together we told everyone we were "life partners". We had already decided to be together for the rest of our lives at that point.
When you love someone so dearly, you actually "choose to love" someone. It's then you realize you want to be there in many ways, especially in the final stages of life. As we are a middle-aged couple and there are some health issues on the table. This was one factor we considered. Even though, we were "life partners" that still is not recognizable legally in society unless "life partner" means "spouse". Therefore, in the event that one of us ended up in ICU, at the hospital, the other would not be able to visit. ICU will only allow family members. The other part of the health issue was insurance. My new husband has MS and his shot therapy wasn't working. There was another option available. However, it would cost $5,000 per treatment. The treatment is once per month for the rest of his life if it is effective. Being that his MS is getting a bit worse meant he might not work much longer and would loose his only health insurance. I have a better health insurance plan, than the one his company offers, and it would be a benefit also when we got married.
Commitment was another factor. Not because neither of us had any issues surrounding insecurity. We had already committed to one another as "life partners" and the Christmas before he bought me a "couples ring" which had our birthstones and our names were engraved on it. I wore this ring on my left ring finger to signify my commitment to him and to others. It was more in a way of letting our families and others realize the depth of our commitment. Many felt, I believe, that I would not stay with Russ as his MS progressed. Russ, had a wife leave him for this very reason. So I do understand their concerns. I have been in the Medical field off and on for about twenty-five years. I took care of my Mother and Grand-Mother when they were disabled also. I know what it takes and am up to do it for the ones I love. I felt committed to show my commitment in this way.
Above all, Love is the main reason everyone marries. It was no less the reason we did. Even if we did take our time getting to the alter. When most people fall in love, sometimes it is fleeting, later to learn it was really lust. Therefore, to wait a long length of time is justified. You know for sure who you are marrying, that you really are in love and you can stand living with that person also. Those are great benefits to help you be sure your marriage is a successful one.
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