The best gifts in a relationship or marriage is the gifts from the heart. It's when you give yourself and your time to the other/relationship. Can you think of a better way of starting or ending your day than a kiss from the one you love? Whether, it's just before you leave or right after you come home from work.
Retired?, then you have a lot more time together. Therefore, you spend mature time with one another, you already know how to anticipate the other's wants at the breakfast table before he/she even asks. Isn't it nice when someone has already put the newspaper on the table beside your coffee cup? Or he remembered to buy the right low-cal sweetener when he went to the supermarket yesterday, because you mentioned you were nearly out. These little things in which you give out of love and of yourself, no matter how trivial they sound, are some of the best gifts in a relationship. Mature love is just as special if not new found love.
New found love? Oh, that first kiss, the one that set your feet upon cloud nine for three days. The fires of desire that it stirred within you all week, as you waited for your next date. The sparkle in her eyes as she looks at you. The way he hangs upon your every word, noticing the way you run your hand through your bangs as you talk. The first time he puts him arm around you at the movies, it's warmth that makes your whole body tingle. You look around to be sure others know he is with you. The way you innocently take your hand in yours, while in public, as you notice other men looking at her. You want those men to know she's with you and you are proud of her, you love her. Yes, it's then you know you want to make that commitment to be with just that person. You know it's the person you love and have sought, your heart tells you so. Therefore, you declare your feelings aloud finally to one another. The gifts of loving words, touches and time together building upon a relationship are some of the best gifts.
Wanting a bit more than just holding hands or remembering something. Them surprise her with a single rose, even if from your own rose bush, as a token of your ever-during love. She will cherish it and probably press it between a book to keep forever. A man truly feels special when a woman cooks/bakes for him. Especially if she bakes him his favorite treat like sugar cookies, brownies or cupcakes. The fact that you spent your day off of work to bake him something he enjoys so much will really warm his heart. He will truly love you all the more for it also. It is true, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Okay, you don't bake. How about mow the lawn for him one weekend as he goes off with his friends that day to do one of his favorite activities (that you don't particularly like). He'll be impressed and love you all the more for it. Surprise her with a bubble bath by candlelight complete with a back massage after-wards. Giving of yourself and doing for one another are great gifts towards your marriage/relationship.
Also, don't forget the most important way to give the gift of a great relationship to one another is to be not only lovers but best friends also. In other words, don't just hear but actually listen to one another. Whether it is when the other is having a bad day/a problem and needs to just vent/help finding a solution. Especially, listen very intently when you are having a disagreement. Because men and women speak differently. Women go on and on about every Little detail that has upset them from the last disagreement up to the current one. Before a woman is through the first five sentences though the man has already tuned her completely out. Especially since when she started talking it was not about the current disagreement. That's because she is doing it in chronological order of events, leading up to the current disagreement. However, the man doesn't want some drawn out explanation or raving rant. He wants two or three sentences as to why she's upset. Therefore, he can figure out what to do to put it to rest, period. Put yourself in your partners position next time you have a disagreement, pretend you are them. Act out their part as they probably would, don't get more upset if they may over-play your part. You may actually end up laughing and the disagreement may seem trivial in comparison after all. Being best friends, listening attentively, trying to understand the other person's viewpoint, and being good lovers. These are the real gifts that are the best you need to bring into a relationship. These gifts will help you far more than any monetary gifts you could ever buy one another.
Showing posts with label choose to love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choose to love. Show all posts
Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Marriage After Living Together:
Why Do People Marry After A Long Live-In Relationship?
In the case of me and my husband I can tell you our reasons. At first let me inform you that we lived together for several years. Both of us had been married previously, had children, and divorced each twice before we ever met one another. All of our children are grown, living away from home, with their own families. Therefore, we found it a considering factor that we live together, for a long time, before we ever considered committing to marriage again. This was agreeable to both of us from the very beginning as neither wanted to rush into marriage.
Living together allowed us time to experience one another. It also, gave us opportunities to grow and travel together. We explored one another's differences and what habits we disliked about the other. We learned how we could live with them in a way that was accepting without putting a lot of strain on our relationship. In this way we felt we weren't changing the person whom we loved. For the last year we lived together we told everyone we were "life partners". We had already decided to be together for the rest of our lives at that point.
When you love someone so dearly, you actually "choose to love" someone. It's then you realize you want to be there in many ways, especially in the final stages of life. As we are a middle-aged couple and there are some health issues on the table. This was one factor we considered. Even though, we were "life partners" that still is not recognizable legally in society unless "life partner" means "spouse". Therefore, in the event that one of us ended up in ICU, at the hospital, the other would not be able to visit. ICU will only allow family members. The other part of the health issue was insurance. My new husband has MS and his shot therapy wasn't working. There was another option available. However, it would cost $5,000 per treatment. The treatment is once per month for the rest of his life if it is effective. Being that his MS is getting a bit worse meant he might not work much longer and would loose his only health insurance. I have a better health insurance plan, than the one his company offers, and it would be a benefit also when we got married.
Commitment was another factor. Not because neither of us had any issues surrounding insecurity. We had already committed to one another as "life partners" and the Christmas before he bought me a "couples ring" which had our birthstones and our names were engraved on it. I wore this ring on my left ring finger to signify my commitment to him and to others. It was more in a way of letting our families and others realize the depth of our commitment. Many felt, I believe, that I would not stay with Russ as his MS progressed. Russ, had a wife leave him for this very reason. So I do understand their concerns. I have been in the Medical field off and on for about twenty-five years. I took care of my Mother and Grand-Mother when they were disabled also. I know what it takes and am up to do it for the ones I love. I felt committed to show my commitment in this way.
Above all, Love is the main reason everyone marries. It was no less the reason we did. Even if we did take our time getting to the alter. When most people fall in love, sometimes it is fleeting, later to learn it was really lust. Therefore, to wait a long length of time is justified. You know for sure who you are marrying, that you really are in love and you can stand living with that person also. Those are great benefits to help you be sure your marriage is a successful one.
In the case of me and my husband I can tell you our reasons. At first let me inform you that we lived together for several years. Both of us had been married previously, had children, and divorced each twice before we ever met one another. All of our children are grown, living away from home, with their own families. Therefore, we found it a considering factor that we live together, for a long time, before we ever considered committing to marriage again. This was agreeable to both of us from the very beginning as neither wanted to rush into marriage.
Living together allowed us time to experience one another. It also, gave us opportunities to grow and travel together. We explored one another's differences and what habits we disliked about the other. We learned how we could live with them in a way that was accepting without putting a lot of strain on our relationship. In this way we felt we weren't changing the person whom we loved. For the last year we lived together we told everyone we were "life partners". We had already decided to be together for the rest of our lives at that point.
When you love someone so dearly, you actually "choose to love" someone. It's then you realize you want to be there in many ways, especially in the final stages of life. As we are a middle-aged couple and there are some health issues on the table. This was one factor we considered. Even though, we were "life partners" that still is not recognizable legally in society unless "life partner" means "spouse". Therefore, in the event that one of us ended up in ICU, at the hospital, the other would not be able to visit. ICU will only allow family members. The other part of the health issue was insurance. My new husband has MS and his shot therapy wasn't working. There was another option available. However, it would cost $5,000 per treatment. The treatment is once per month for the rest of his life if it is effective. Being that his MS is getting a bit worse meant he might not work much longer and would loose his only health insurance. I have a better health insurance plan, than the one his company offers, and it would be a benefit also when we got married.
Commitment was another factor. Not because neither of us had any issues surrounding insecurity. We had already committed to one another as "life partners" and the Christmas before he bought me a "couples ring" which had our birthstones and our names were engraved on it. I wore this ring on my left ring finger to signify my commitment to him and to others. It was more in a way of letting our families and others realize the depth of our commitment. Many felt, I believe, that I would not stay with Russ as his MS progressed. Russ, had a wife leave him for this very reason. So I do understand their concerns. I have been in the Medical field off and on for about twenty-five years. I took care of my Mother and Grand-Mother when they were disabled also. I know what it takes and am up to do it for the ones I love. I felt committed to show my commitment in this way.
Above all, Love is the main reason everyone marries. It was no less the reason we did. Even if we did take our time getting to the alter. When most people fall in love, sometimes it is fleeting, later to learn it was really lust. Therefore, to wait a long length of time is justified. You know for sure who you are marrying, that you really are in love and you can stand living with that person also. Those are great benefits to help you be sure your marriage is a successful one.
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