The other day, on another blog, someone had posted the comment "What can I do? It doesn't seem to be enough to just sign petitions to save animals from cruelty." Let me answer that here, I've been signing many petitions and sending hundreds of letters to my Congressmen, Senators, Mayors, and any other State Officials in all the states that are involved in whichever animal cruelty issue going on. I have even contacted Diplomats of Foreign Countries. Don't you say it doesn't matter, it makes a difference even if one less animal or one less child is saved. In our world today we need to stand up for those who can't speak up for themselves, and that's the Children and the Animals. Martin Luther King was just "one man", yet his legacy lives on today, the greatness of his work continued even after his death. One person started something. Think about that and tell me that signing that petition or writing that letter isn't going to make a difference. I have seen it happen. If you subscribe to the newsletters of the areas you are advocating then you will see the success stories also.
I've even received letters from the Senators, Congressmen and various others I have written telling me how much my views have opened their eyes and that they will be casting their vote (the way I want) when it goes comes up for voting. You are not alone in this, you have a voice, get others involved, join in with those that already are involved, then you are one of many, you will be heard. Whether as a lone voice or a group. I have seen, since I have been doing this, the average has been about four out of every nine petitions passed into laws or some type of legislation. Therefore, I know that signing petitions and writing letters is effective. We are making a difference. We are saving lives from being abused/neglected or in need of care. Stopping abuse/neglect (or getting the care) of Children and Animals who can't speak for themselves is our job. So take a stand beside me and all the others out there. Sign petitions, write your Congressmen and other officials. Even if we save one life I believe it's worth the effort.
Below are some Petitions:
Children;
My number one Petition, if you don't sign any other, is this one as it only has a dozen signatures! It is to say no to all forms of Child Abuse - which includes neglect - here is an excerpt from it: "without the basic utilities in their homes and the sad fact that because of the cost for the services increasing and the status of the parents income staying the same it causes ,depression and the children don't see a way out of the darkness of no utilities into the once again light of a bulb from the usage of electric , nor a drink of water or bath in the tub. its time we take a stand or our children will fall into the darkness of no electricity and want see their way out." Please sign this one at least: NO To all forms of Child Abuse
End Water Poverty
Children Without Lights
Prevent Pediatric HIV/AIDS
Safety of Our Children/Welfare of Farm Animals
Children Targets of Witch hunt
Women & Children in Sex Slavery
To Remove Pedophile Website
Animals;
Wolf Recovery
End Worldwide Animal Suffering
Artic Refuge
Pebble Mine
End Euthanasia
Officers Murder K-9 Partners
Fight Animal Cruelty
Horse Slaughter
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Friday, March 21, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Abuse and Self Esteem:
RELATIVES TO EACH OTHER
Abuse and self esteem are relatives to each other. They go hand in hand in our world in the cases of Domestic Violence, Neglect, Abandonment, Divorce even. Wives, husbands, children, exes are all victims. Sex of the offender or of the Victim can be either. It can go from generation to generation without breaking the cycle, unless someone intervenes. Or someone tries hard enough on their own to make that break them-self.
Are you a victim or an abuser? Whether you are on one side of the fence or the other it means you have low self esteem in some sense. The abuser has a low self esteem and a need to feed upon another person's weakness in order to build up their own self esteem, so they can feel powerful. It is only a temporary fix however, so they must continue this vicious cycle in order to feel better about their-self.
The victim, the abused one, who is the one that's the pawn used in the abuser's on-going cycle of never-ending shame. The victim suffers the most harm in order to make the abuser feel better about his/herself. The victim's self esteem drops to an all-time low. Sometimes bringing the victim to the very brink of hades itself, in which the victim commits suicide. All because the victim felt that he/she was of no worth, had no value and nothing to offer in this life. Therefore, nothing to live for and no reason to continue, so suicide seemed to be a logical option.
I overcame abuse and low self esteem. I can talk about my story to help others. Even if you don't have any experience you can still help. Don't sit and listen to someone degrade another human being or them-self. Stop them, correct them. Then tell the person that was being degraded that they are a good and worthy person. Support and uplift your fellow man. It starts at home and in our own neighborhoods. Also, help those being abused get help. If they are afraid acknowledge their fear, never ever put them down for being afraid. Let them know there are programs and agencies that can help them when they are ready. Don't push them if they aren't yet. Also, let them know that they may choose to seek resources ahead of time in case of some major event. Remind them that they are a good person and deserve good things. Sometimes, they have been so brainwashed that they haven't heard that in a long time and just hearing it may eventually help them decide to reach out.
Society must somehow help both the abusers and the victims break these cycle of abuse and being abused. The feeling of low self esteem must be elevated to a higher self esteem in order to allow these people to once again value themselves.
For Info And Statistics on Domestic Violence:
www.acog.org(quiz to see if you're in an abusive relationship)
www.brokenspirits.com
Abuse and self esteem are relatives to each other. They go hand in hand in our world in the cases of Domestic Violence, Neglect, Abandonment, Divorce even. Wives, husbands, children, exes are all victims. Sex of the offender or of the Victim can be either. It can go from generation to generation without breaking the cycle, unless someone intervenes. Or someone tries hard enough on their own to make that break them-self.
Are you a victim or an abuser? Whether you are on one side of the fence or the other it means you have low self esteem in some sense. The abuser has a low self esteem and a need to feed upon another person's weakness in order to build up their own self esteem, so they can feel powerful. It is only a temporary fix however, so they must continue this vicious cycle in order to feel better about their-self.
The victim, the abused one, who is the one that's the pawn used in the abuser's on-going cycle of never-ending shame. The victim suffers the most harm in order to make the abuser feel better about his/herself. The victim's self esteem drops to an all-time low. Sometimes bringing the victim to the very brink of hades itself, in which the victim commits suicide. All because the victim felt that he/she was of no worth, had no value and nothing to offer in this life. Therefore, nothing to live for and no reason to continue, so suicide seemed to be a logical option.
I overcame abuse and low self esteem. I can talk about my story to help others. Even if you don't have any experience you can still help. Don't sit and listen to someone degrade another human being or them-self. Stop them, correct them. Then tell the person that was being degraded that they are a good and worthy person. Support and uplift your fellow man. It starts at home and in our own neighborhoods. Also, help those being abused get help. If they are afraid acknowledge their fear, never ever put them down for being afraid. Let them know there are programs and agencies that can help them when they are ready. Don't push them if they aren't yet. Also, let them know that they may choose to seek resources ahead of time in case of some major event. Remind them that they are a good person and deserve good things. Sometimes, they have been so brainwashed that they haven't heard that in a long time and just hearing it may eventually help them decide to reach out.
Society must somehow help both the abusers and the victims break these cycle of abuse and being abused. The feeling of low self esteem must be elevated to a higher self esteem in order to allow these people to once again value themselves.
For Info And Statistics on Domestic Violence:
www.acog.org(quiz to see if you're in an abusive relationship)
www.brokenspirits.com
Monday, February 25, 2008
Domestic Violence: My Story
THE LONG ROAD I TRAVELED TO FREEDOM
At seventeen, I married a man eight years older, who seemed to care for me. A month after we married I became pregnant. Three months later the verbal abuse began. I had no knowledge what was considered verbal abuse. However, he continually told me how poorly I kept up the apartment and that I was an embarrassment to him. As time went by he began using vulgar language with gestures towards me. He expected me to be home awaiting his arrival from work. His dinner had to be ready within ten minutes after he got home. Therefore, I had to limit my time away from home, with relatives, to avoid being late at the door. Otherwise he would yell, calling me all types of things which made me hate myself. One evening, in my seventh month of pregnancy, I wasn't able to get the tub/shower unit clean enough. He flipped out and hit me for the first time. I believed him when he apologized telling me "it won't happen again baby". Then he took me out to dinner. However, it did continue to happen. He was very good about never hitting me where it would show. He mainly hit me in the stomach or on the legs or shoulders. He avoided hitting my face or lower arms/wrists. His excuse was always "look what you made me do". I did believe him, that it was my fault that he hit me. So I tried even harder to do everything he wanted exactly how he wanted it. Just to avoid getting hit. But, I still seemed to fail somehow. I began to believe myself to be a "failure and no good". Some of the very same words he would use when speaking at me.
The baby was born and for awhile things went well. The only times he would get upset then where at the grocery store. It seemed that I was wrong, if the cashier was male asked "how are you?", if I responded. Another instance would be if I looked up at a man in the supermarket or any public place. Then when we got home I would get a beating. So I walked around the store and other public places with my head down. I walked one pace behind my husband to the right of his elbow. That was my place. I did my best to avoid any public interaction. As long as I did so things went along smoothly. That was until he got dishonorably discharged from the service. Somehow that was my fault. Whack! He back-handed me so hard across the face his ring left a bruise on my cheek. This was the first time he left a visible mark. For three days I didn't go anywhere near my family. However, my Mother grew worried. So she came over on the fourth day. She saw the bruise and asked if Roy hit me. I told he "no, I hit myself in the face with the mop handle". The first of many cover-up lies.
Later, learned that is what Domestic Abuse Victims do when confronted about bruises. Why? Because we are afraid that someone will say we told. Then we will get in more trouble. More trouble you ask? How? Well, if authorities come, they question or take away the abuser. That only makes the abuser more angry at the victim. Then after the abuser is released the victim is in more danger than before. Because the abuser will come after the victim with a vengeance. The result is more severe abuse and sometimes broken bones or even death. Some abusers even go after the children of the victim to punish the victim for the fact that they, the abuser, had to go to jail/got reprimanded. It's a scary way to live. People often ask why don't/didn't you just leave? Easy to ask...read on.
At first, I was young and naive. I had a child with him. So I hoped, with love, he'd change. After all, he did promise. When he hit my face, I told him my Mom asked about the bruise on my cheek. He felt bad, or acted like it, he bought me flowers. He then took me to dinner. Over dinner, he said, "there's was a job waiting in Maryland for me". We would be moving from California to Maryland. They could only hold the job for three weeks. Our daughter was now sixteen months old. "We are going to need a place to stay, money to move and a car that would make the trip" I said in reply. Well, that didn't bode too well. We got home and he screamed "I've made all those arrangements. You better get everything together. We leave in ten days. So no time for visiting with your family!" I went to pick up the phone to call my Mom and tell her. He yanked it out of the wall. The next day he had them cut the phone service off. Mom ended up coming by a day later to see why the phone was off. I was busy packing and Roy was rude to her. She stayed anyways and helped me pack. We moved to Maryland. I was cut off from my family. Later, I found out this is another tactic abusers use before escalating the abuse. I found out I was pregnant again, two months along, so we had another baby together. A son this time. His family didn't want me around. They verbally abused me too. So I could see where he got it from. Most abusers are raised in abusive households. However, the cycle can be broken. Abuse doesn't have to continue into the next generation. He lost that job about a month before our son was born. So he decided we would return to California. Great for me.
After returning, my Mother was in my life again. We lived with my Mom for awhile. One night on our Anniversary, Mom was gone, and Roy was late. My little brother, age thirteen, was home with me watching television. Roy came in the house drunk. I told him "get out of my Mother's house, drunks aren't allowed in it!" He raised his hand to hit me. My brother, Roger, was standing behind me. I said "Go ahead! This time I have a witness! And I will press charges!" Roy pulled his arm down and said "I wasn't going to do nothing". "Liar" I replied as I gave him a little shove towards the door. He glared at me, then at my brother, and left. He ended up spending the night at some friends of ours. They called me later to let me know he was there. I didn't care. When my Mother came home Roger told her what happened. She said "He is not allowed in this house ever again. If you want to reconcile with him you'll have to rent somewhere to do so". My Mom was a woman of her word. He stayed at our friends for three weeks. They called for him to talk to me. Finally, I gave in and rented the duplex next door. We reconciled since it was close to Christmas. But, I only rented the duplex in my name only. I did not put my husband's name on the lease. That was the advice my Mother had given to me. In the end I am glad I listened to her. Because two days after Christmas the police showed up and arrested my husband for sexual abuse on a minor. This happened during the time we were separated. He was released on OR (own recognizance) because of his family ties (the kids and I). He tried telling me it was all lies. He said he'd take a polygraph but the state said we'd have to pay for it. I eventually, got the state to consent to paying for one. It was then he refused to take it. His court date was coming up soon. I asked him to leave my house since he hit me again. Also, our friends told me they saw him hit our daughter. That was the last straw! My Mother went to a lawyer had a paper drawn up in which I got complete custody of the children. He signed the papers but only after he had got her to drive him to the bus station. He boarded a bus and rode out of our lives. He never got his day in court.
Domestic Violence doesn't just include spouses, it also involves innocent children. These children can be verbally, physically, emotionally or sexually abused. I later learned through therapy that my daughter was also emotionally abused by her Father. She would want a glass of milk, while I was at work, he would refuse her, by teasing her with the milk jug. Then put it back into the refrigerator. So she would then stand screaming for it and then he would slap her on the side of the face. This is what the neighbor witnessed and why I asked him to leave. When I asked him to leave he didn't go quietly. I had to call a very big friend to come escort him out. I also unplugged the phone so he couldn't call and harass me. That friend sat on my front porch all night long protecting the kids and I. That friend was a friend of both Roy's and mine. However, he did not believe in abuse of any type.
That was my first marriage. I also married a second abusive husband. He was even worse. It seems abused women tend to migrate towards the same type of men, unless they can break that cycle. I believe this is because we are already broken and tend to believe we don't deserve a "good man" or to be "treated with respect". That is why I ended up in a second abusive marriage. In my second marriage I was verbally, sexually, physically, psychologically/mentally abused. I did fight back with my fists and got beat worse. I took beatings in place of my teenagers. I felt I deserved them since I married the man. They shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes. In this marriage I tried leaving earlier but he told me "I know where your family live and I know how to build bombs. If you leave someone in your family will die and you will be to blame". So I stayed. You ask why did I believe that bull? Let me tell you something that happened. One night I told him, while we were arguing, "I'm through. Tomorrow the kids and I are gone!" He grabbed his loaded 45 caliber and shot through our bedroom ceiling. The bullet penetrated the ceiling. All I could think of was my sleeping children in their rooms above us. "My God!" I flew out of our bedroom and up the stairs. I saw my daughter was still up, with her headphones on, writing some love note when she should be in bed. I scanned the floor. She looked up with that I got caught look. It was a mill-a-second later I saw a teeny bit of light from under her bed. I pulled up her mattress and there was the bullet lodged in it. Had she of been in bed, she would have weighed the mattress down, and it would have killed her. Yes, I learned he would kill my loved ones on that night. I stayed for as long as I had to. How long was that? It was until my children were grown and moved out of the house. That's how long. It was until he nearly choked me to death, after I had a stroke, and my Mother pried his hands off my throat. While they struggled, I clawed my way to the phone, and called the police, Meanwhile, he broke her finger and hit her in the chin. While he did three days in jail, my brothers moved us. I went into hiding for two years, before I was brave enough to file divorce, letting him know my whereabouts.
Today, I am alive. My Mother had been my saving grace and strength. My advice don't allow your abuser to take you from the strongest and closest person in your life. Because, it may be that very person that helps you break away. There are many support groups and agencies now available out there. There are even crisis lines. Reach out to someone. I know it's hard. Also, don't judge easily those in the situation. It's not always an easy road to get out. There are fears to overcome. Sometimes even people they love have been threatened and those threats can be very real. Let the victim know you are there. Don't push or call the authorities unless the victim is ready. Sometimes when you do so you may put the victim in even graver danger. As a victim I know. Also, as I past victim I also know that you are not "less of a person" like you have been told. "You are a good person. It is NOT your fault that this is happening. The reason this person is loosing control is NOT your fault! Do NOT believe it for a moment longer. Believe this: You can overcome anything. There is a Good person out there waiting to LOVE you. You deserve to be loved in a gentle way. You are a good person. There is nothing wrong with you. You are smart. You can survive on your own.
How do I know? I did live on my own for the first time when I went into hiding. The first month was awkward and Mom spent the night on the couch for a week. I got a dog. I felt better. I got some counseling. You can break the cycle of choosing an abusive partner. I did. I feel better. I am a good person. I dated a few months after my divorce was final. Nice men were asking me out. Most of all, I found a fantastic guy. We dated from Dec. 2003 to Aug. 2007. August 1,2007 we finally married. He isn't abusive. He loves and treats me well. He's a gentleman and my soul mate. It's been a long road I've traveled to my freedom. I know it can be done.
It's not easy. But you can overcome the abuse. You can overcome the depression. You can again believe in yourself. You can again believe in your dreams. You can again have friends who you can trust. You can have someone who will be good to you. You can live without fear. It is possible, I know. I am proof, for I am here now. Be the person you were meant to be. Don't stay a punching bag. Take your first step upon your road to freedom today.
This is a National Domestic Violence Site that also has information where you can locate places in your own state for help. Use it to help you get to where you need to be, live the life you were meant to. You are a good person and deserve to live a good life. Don't believe someone who needs to control you in order to feel better about themself. You can and will be able to make it on your own. I know, I did it! Please at least check out the below sit. Remember, one thing though, clear your cache afterwards -- so your abuser doesn't know where you have been.
For help click below:
National Domestic Violence Hotline = 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Sexual Assault Hotline = 1-800-656-4673
www.ncadv.org (National Domestic Violence Site)
www.rdvcc (this site explains about clearing your cache also)
www.4women
At seventeen, I married a man eight years older, who seemed to care for me. A month after we married I became pregnant. Three months later the verbal abuse began. I had no knowledge what was considered verbal abuse. However, he continually told me how poorly I kept up the apartment and that I was an embarrassment to him. As time went by he began using vulgar language with gestures towards me. He expected me to be home awaiting his arrival from work. His dinner had to be ready within ten minutes after he got home. Therefore, I had to limit my time away from home, with relatives, to avoid being late at the door. Otherwise he would yell, calling me all types of things which made me hate myself. One evening, in my seventh month of pregnancy, I wasn't able to get the tub/shower unit clean enough. He flipped out and hit me for the first time. I believed him when he apologized telling me "it won't happen again baby". Then he took me out to dinner. However, it did continue to happen. He was very good about never hitting me where it would show. He mainly hit me in the stomach or on the legs or shoulders. He avoided hitting my face or lower arms/wrists. His excuse was always "look what you made me do". I did believe him, that it was my fault that he hit me. So I tried even harder to do everything he wanted exactly how he wanted it. Just to avoid getting hit. But, I still seemed to fail somehow. I began to believe myself to be a "failure and no good". Some of the very same words he would use when speaking at me.
The baby was born and for awhile things went well. The only times he would get upset then where at the grocery store. It seemed that I was wrong, if the cashier was male asked "how are you?", if I responded. Another instance would be if I looked up at a man in the supermarket or any public place. Then when we got home I would get a beating. So I walked around the store and other public places with my head down. I walked one pace behind my husband to the right of his elbow. That was my place. I did my best to avoid any public interaction. As long as I did so things went along smoothly. That was until he got dishonorably discharged from the service. Somehow that was my fault. Whack! He back-handed me so hard across the face his ring left a bruise on my cheek. This was the first time he left a visible mark. For three days I didn't go anywhere near my family. However, my Mother grew worried. So she came over on the fourth day. She saw the bruise and asked if Roy hit me. I told he "no, I hit myself in the face with the mop handle". The first of many cover-up lies.
Later, learned that is what Domestic Abuse Victims do when confronted about bruises. Why? Because we are afraid that someone will say we told. Then we will get in more trouble. More trouble you ask? How? Well, if authorities come, they question or take away the abuser. That only makes the abuser more angry at the victim. Then after the abuser is released the victim is in more danger than before. Because the abuser will come after the victim with a vengeance. The result is more severe abuse and sometimes broken bones or even death. Some abusers even go after the children of the victim to punish the victim for the fact that they, the abuser, had to go to jail/got reprimanded. It's a scary way to live. People often ask why don't/didn't you just leave? Easy to ask...read on.
At first, I was young and naive. I had a child with him. So I hoped, with love, he'd change. After all, he did promise. When he hit my face, I told him my Mom asked about the bruise on my cheek. He felt bad, or acted like it, he bought me flowers. He then took me to dinner. Over dinner, he said, "there's was a job waiting in Maryland for me". We would be moving from California to Maryland. They could only hold the job for three weeks. Our daughter was now sixteen months old. "We are going to need a place to stay, money to move and a car that would make the trip" I said in reply. Well, that didn't bode too well. We got home and he screamed "I've made all those arrangements. You better get everything together. We leave in ten days. So no time for visiting with your family!" I went to pick up the phone to call my Mom and tell her. He yanked it out of the wall. The next day he had them cut the phone service off. Mom ended up coming by a day later to see why the phone was off. I was busy packing and Roy was rude to her. She stayed anyways and helped me pack. We moved to Maryland. I was cut off from my family. Later, I found out this is another tactic abusers use before escalating the abuse. I found out I was pregnant again, two months along, so we had another baby together. A son this time. His family didn't want me around. They verbally abused me too. So I could see where he got it from. Most abusers are raised in abusive households. However, the cycle can be broken. Abuse doesn't have to continue into the next generation. He lost that job about a month before our son was born. So he decided we would return to California. Great for me.
After returning, my Mother was in my life again. We lived with my Mom for awhile. One night on our Anniversary, Mom was gone, and Roy was late. My little brother, age thirteen, was home with me watching television. Roy came in the house drunk. I told him "get out of my Mother's house, drunks aren't allowed in it!" He raised his hand to hit me. My brother, Roger, was standing behind me. I said "Go ahead! This time I have a witness! And I will press charges!" Roy pulled his arm down and said "I wasn't going to do nothing". "Liar" I replied as I gave him a little shove towards the door. He glared at me, then at my brother, and left. He ended up spending the night at some friends of ours. They called me later to let me know he was there. I didn't care. When my Mother came home Roger told her what happened. She said "He is not allowed in this house ever again. If you want to reconcile with him you'll have to rent somewhere to do so". My Mom was a woman of her word. He stayed at our friends for three weeks. They called for him to talk to me. Finally, I gave in and rented the duplex next door. We reconciled since it was close to Christmas. But, I only rented the duplex in my name only. I did not put my husband's name on the lease. That was the advice my Mother had given to me. In the end I am glad I listened to her. Because two days after Christmas the police showed up and arrested my husband for sexual abuse on a minor. This happened during the time we were separated. He was released on OR (own recognizance) because of his family ties (the kids and I). He tried telling me it was all lies. He said he'd take a polygraph but the state said we'd have to pay for it. I eventually, got the state to consent to paying for one. It was then he refused to take it. His court date was coming up soon. I asked him to leave my house since he hit me again. Also, our friends told me they saw him hit our daughter. That was the last straw! My Mother went to a lawyer had a paper drawn up in which I got complete custody of the children. He signed the papers but only after he had got her to drive him to the bus station. He boarded a bus and rode out of our lives. He never got his day in court.
Domestic Violence doesn't just include spouses, it also involves innocent children. These children can be verbally, physically, emotionally or sexually abused. I later learned through therapy that my daughter was also emotionally abused by her Father. She would want a glass of milk, while I was at work, he would refuse her, by teasing her with the milk jug. Then put it back into the refrigerator. So she would then stand screaming for it and then he would slap her on the side of the face. This is what the neighbor witnessed and why I asked him to leave. When I asked him to leave he didn't go quietly. I had to call a very big friend to come escort him out. I also unplugged the phone so he couldn't call and harass me. That friend sat on my front porch all night long protecting the kids and I. That friend was a friend of both Roy's and mine. However, he did not believe in abuse of any type.
That was my first marriage. I also married a second abusive husband. He was even worse. It seems abused women tend to migrate towards the same type of men, unless they can break that cycle. I believe this is because we are already broken and tend to believe we don't deserve a "good man" or to be "treated with respect". That is why I ended up in a second abusive marriage. In my second marriage I was verbally, sexually, physically, psychologically/mentally abused. I did fight back with my fists and got beat worse. I took beatings in place of my teenagers. I felt I deserved them since I married the man. They shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes. In this marriage I tried leaving earlier but he told me "I know where your family live and I know how to build bombs. If you leave someone in your family will die and you will be to blame". So I stayed. You ask why did I believe that bull? Let me tell you something that happened. One night I told him, while we were arguing, "I'm through. Tomorrow the kids and I are gone!" He grabbed his loaded 45 caliber and shot through our bedroom ceiling. The bullet penetrated the ceiling. All I could think of was my sleeping children in their rooms above us. "My God!" I flew out of our bedroom and up the stairs. I saw my daughter was still up, with her headphones on, writing some love note when she should be in bed. I scanned the floor. She looked up with that I got caught look. It was a mill-a-second later I saw a teeny bit of light from under her bed. I pulled up her mattress and there was the bullet lodged in it. Had she of been in bed, she would have weighed the mattress down, and it would have killed her. Yes, I learned he would kill my loved ones on that night. I stayed for as long as I had to. How long was that? It was until my children were grown and moved out of the house. That's how long. It was until he nearly choked me to death, after I had a stroke, and my Mother pried his hands off my throat. While they struggled, I clawed my way to the phone, and called the police, Meanwhile, he broke her finger and hit her in the chin. While he did three days in jail, my brothers moved us. I went into hiding for two years, before I was brave enough to file divorce, letting him know my whereabouts.
Today, I am alive. My Mother had been my saving grace and strength. My advice don't allow your abuser to take you from the strongest and closest person in your life. Because, it may be that very person that helps you break away. There are many support groups and agencies now available out there. There are even crisis lines. Reach out to someone. I know it's hard. Also, don't judge easily those in the situation. It's not always an easy road to get out. There are fears to overcome. Sometimes even people they love have been threatened and those threats can be very real. Let the victim know you are there. Don't push or call the authorities unless the victim is ready. Sometimes when you do so you may put the victim in even graver danger. As a victim I know. Also, as I past victim I also know that you are not "less of a person" like you have been told. "You are a good person. It is NOT your fault that this is happening. The reason this person is loosing control is NOT your fault! Do NOT believe it for a moment longer. Believe this: You can overcome anything. There is a Good person out there waiting to LOVE you. You deserve to be loved in a gentle way. You are a good person. There is nothing wrong with you. You are smart. You can survive on your own.
How do I know? I did live on my own for the first time when I went into hiding. The first month was awkward and Mom spent the night on the couch for a week. I got a dog. I felt better. I got some counseling. You can break the cycle of choosing an abusive partner. I did. I feel better. I am a good person. I dated a few months after my divorce was final. Nice men were asking me out. Most of all, I found a fantastic guy. We dated from Dec. 2003 to Aug. 2007. August 1,2007 we finally married. He isn't abusive. He loves and treats me well. He's a gentleman and my soul mate. It's been a long road I've traveled to my freedom. I know it can be done.
It's not easy. But you can overcome the abuse. You can overcome the depression. You can again believe in yourself. You can again believe in your dreams. You can again have friends who you can trust. You can have someone who will be good to you. You can live without fear. It is possible, I know. I am proof, for I am here now. Be the person you were meant to be. Don't stay a punching bag. Take your first step upon your road to freedom today.
This is a National Domestic Violence Site that also has information where you can locate places in your own state for help. Use it to help you get to where you need to be, live the life you were meant to. You are a good person and deserve to live a good life. Don't believe someone who needs to control you in order to feel better about themself. You can and will be able to make it on your own. I know, I did it! Please at least check out the below sit. Remember, one thing though, clear your cache afterwards -- so your abuser doesn't know where you have been.
For help click below:
National Domestic Violence Hotline = 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Sexual Assault Hotline = 1-800-656-4673
www.ncadv.org (National Domestic Violence Site)
www.rdvcc (this site explains about clearing your cache also)
www.4women
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